Without Wings 5-1-2000 at 11:30 pm

I just read Javier’s confession, My Confessional which he asked me to read. I feel a little weird because I want to love him the way he loved or loves me, but I can’t. I love Dennis. I just feel so bad because here is this guy a great friend of mine who I know or at least feel loves me but he never tells me and when it finally all comes out I feel like I could have been really happy with him had I given him the chance and yet I am happy. Dennis is the best Man to ever come into my life. He is everything I’ve ever wanted, flaws and all. A part of me though wishes I could double myself and give Javier the love’s he;s been waiting for. I don’t love Javier but I wish I could have and if Dennis didn’t exist would I? I feel so bad because I want Javier to be happy. I never wanted to hurt him and I did. I just hope that when he moves on to Washington he finds someone wonderful that loves him as much as he deserves.

He told me to call him after I read his confession but what am I suppose to say? And with Nancy here…

She wouldn’t understand. She doesn’t understand anything…I’m a pretty luck lady to come across 4 wonderful men (6 if you count my brother and father) who really care about me 2 of who, love me 1 of which I can only return love to.

I am so happy that Booger, Anthony, Javier, Dennis, Jesus Junior and my dad are a part of my life. Who could ask for anything more?

I have to return to my studies now.

 

Laila

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