Without Wings 5-1-2000

Today was the last day of classes before finals. I guess you can say I’m a little stressed out, if not depressed because I’m not getting the feeling of my A’s coming on. And just about half an hour ago I turned in my poetry portfolio. I know it sucks and that’s exactly the grade I will receive. My poems were nothing compared to Jessica’s, Carols’s and those other 2 great poets in my class. Mine were crap compared to theirs. I wish I could get were they are at. I wish I could see things the way  they see them, feel them, hear them, taste, smell the way they do. I wish I had the vocabulary and the background or the knowledge of language the way they do. I wish I had all those wonderful experiences they have had and all the bad ones too. I wish I could write what I feel like they do. It’s not that I wish to be them, I just want to be able to express myself like they do. I wish that when I wrote something I could make someone laugh or cry or really think. I don’t want to write this mushy telenovela shit. I’ve often wondered if I should even continue writing, if I’m any good at it at all…

I want to be a writer. I can feel it in me. I just think it will take forever before it comes out.

Regardless I turned in my portfolio today. I hope I at least get a B. To get lower than that in a creative writing class is really really bad…

I am so sleepy. I think I’m going to take a nap until Dennis calls. I should begin working on my studies for finals, but I think I’ll take a nap.

 

Laila

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